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PARENTING

Dangal- on living dreams through our Children

December 6, 2016

Dangal movie is set to release on December 23 but has already created so much buzz all around. I am not here reviewing the movie- It must be good and will exceed all the expectations.

I am here to discuss an underlying parenting issue.

Its about parents who could not fulfill their dreams due to any reason and try to live those unfulfilled dreams through their Kids.

Who doesn’t have a dream? Everyone but same answer goes for this question too- Who doesn’t have an unfulfilled dream? Not all dreams could be fulfilled in first two or three decades of our Life.

When I was gaining the wisdom, I dreamed of high paying job, adventurous bucket list, Crafting as career and so many other things. Touched my 30s and still have them as done, some undone, some half-done and some evolved.

It does not mean that I will stop dreaming about my goals and work towards living those dreams through my child. Children have their own passions, own interests and I will not burden them with mine.

Why we as parents started to control our Kids, they are separate identities and not our extensions –Of course, they are our most precious gifts but not possession.

Its the reason why Kids fail most of the times.

Many students who are churning their minds in IIT coaching centres, agree that its their Parent’s dream. Multiple student suicides in city of wonders, Kota(Rajasthan,India) is a live example of the issue. I am moved by the kind note of Mr Ravi Kumar, District Collector of Kota to all the parents of young children while he tries to address the issue in loving and practical language.

We might love Sports or modelling or reading but that does not mean we should force the Kids to do the same. We certainly are not the benchmark for the child but only the role models.

With parenting tag, we do not get a privilege to redeem those broken or failed dreams through our Kids.

A study published in PLOSONE journal reveals it.

Fantasies about our Kid’s future are not bad. Afterall, we are human. But we should not obsess with them and help our Kids to be independent human beings with good reasoning and decision making capabilities.  Parents need to understand that their dreams interfere with the child’s own aspirations, it pressurizes them.

Dangal movie is a great message on women empowerment but it also reminds us to look at the other side of Parenting- Pushy parenting.

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  • A timely and a relatable post. I agree with the fact that most of the parents, at least in India, have a penchant for fulfilling their dreams through their children. They are ruining the lives of the kids in this way. I wrote about it a few months back and I voiced it in the same way.

    • Yes, its a common thing in India but I wish we should make efforts to put an end to this. I will be checking out your post soon.

  • When they were little both my girls danced, both at home non stop and at dance school. They were both told they had a gift. I was once a dancer too and I gave up my dream and regretted it, so when they told me they wanted to give up I have to admit I was so upset. I love watching them dance and they were both top of their class. I worried they would regret it, but I had to let them make the choice. It has been quite a while now since they gave it up and they have no regrets. My eldest is passionate about art, and April loves her music. This is their life and I am lucky to watch them grow their own tastes and styles xx #mg

    • Ahhh! I get it. I wish they don’t regret their choice and follow their current passions with a zeal. Its good to see them make decisions for themselves. Thanks for sharing this here MG.

  • sYou’re so right, children should be allowed to follow their own dreams and their parents should encourage them to do so. I haven’t heard of that movie, will have to check it out.

    • Thanks for taking time to comment Sammie. Its a Bollywood movie so you must keep subtitles ON. 🙂

  • Janine Woods

    Ah yes the pushy parent brigade. I’ve ever actually met a real pushy aren’t in real life, only on TV shows and I just think “leave the poor child alone”, although how much is real and how much is just for entertainment purposes is any ones guess. I’m definately not a pushy parent. As long as my kids are happy, I’m happy.

    #mg

    • Its good you never met such parents.. There are many who unknowingly wish to transfer their own dreams to Kids. Thanks for commenting Janine.

  • Alison Longhurst

    I teach taekwon-do and see so much of this! One of my daughters is also very sporty and I have seen many pushy parents on the sidelines over the years. I hate seeing it. There is a balance to be had. We have to encourage our kids and not let them give things up too easily, but the goal to this encouragement must not come from one of our own unfulfilled desires. Alison x #mg

    • Wow, it sound so good to me- teaching the Life saving skills. You are right- encouragement is something else and forcing is totally another. Thanks for visiting Alison. You mad house Mum stories rock.

      • Alison

        Thank you! ????

  • Tammymum

    Oh its finding the right balance isn’t it between encouragement but not being pushy. Occasionally I wonder if I am being pushy with things like pity training and then have to remind myself to take a step back. Like you say, encouragement is key – not pushy! Thanks for sharing at #familyfun

    • You get it Sarah I am also into my Toddler’s potty training but I am not pushing him but to let the things go their own way.

  • Susie Hawes at This Is Me Now

    Yes I’ve heard and seen a couple of pushy parents and I will try not to be one! Although I do really hope my daughter is sporty and healthy! I hope that’s something that can just be part of a healthy lifestyle though rather than being enforced on her! #FamilyFun

    • Hey Susie, wishing healthy lifestyle for Kids is every Parents dream and its not something pushy. Thanks for visiting and taking time to share your thoughts.

  • Good idea to not be pushy and let them do what they want within reason. I think a certain amount of encouragement could work though but who am I to know with a 17 month old. I’m going to enrol him in a kiddie dance group soon but that’s because he always asks for music to be on and bops about So as a toddler I think he’ll enjoy it. If when he’s older he says no I won’t push him to keep dancing! Good point. Thanks for linking up to #familyfun

    • Hey Karen, you are right- Who knows they will enjoy the same thing in future too.