Do we ever find ourselves wasting our time and energy proving our actions we did or words we said?
Please do not hesitate to confess as I am going to tell you- You are not the only one seeking external justification.
We all do this at some point in our lives.
I did this a lot until I realized that it was creating an uncomfortable environment around me. I could feel the ripple effects of this parasitic weed of Justification- Uneasiness, mood swings, negativity.
The moment I discovered the root cause I was willing to change it, which is the first step towards the change- Yes, WILLINGNESS.
Why we crave for it? We go far, put our best efforts to prove ourselves right.
We seek sympathy by doing so. There is a funny thing about the person seeking Justification “They end up their conversation with- I am not seeking any justification or approval”
“If you’re trying to justify something,you’re trying to escape from something that you don’t want to admit to” ~Teal Swan
Not only behavior; we apply this external justification theory everywhere- our decisions, foolish beliefs, negative attitudes, ill-advised career choices, and more.
We want to ignore the facts, shun any opposing criticism or feedback, and we hold dearly onto our beliefs, attitudes, and choices.
To my surprise, there is a huge science behind -seeking external justification- theory : Cognitive dissonance.
Wikipedia says “Cognitive dissonance is the mental stress or discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time, performs an action that is contradictory to one or more beliefs, ideas, or values, or is confronted by new information that conflicts with existing beliefs, ideas, or values.”
Lets understand this by a simple example-
Say your Friend has said something which was not expected and you stopped talking to him/her. Now, it does not end here-
You will seek someone for stamping your reaction – You may put your every effort to find someone who nod to your behavior. You try your best to convince the person. You crave to hear “Yes, what you did was right”.
In this process, you are not really asking the other person’s opinion but forcing them to speak your mind.
If that person would be unlucky, he or she dare to go against your thoughts and say “No, what you did was not apt” – It will annoy you further and you continue your journey of seeking through some other person.
See– How this never ends. No one can curb this except you- Do not allow your heart to jump into this vicious circle of seeking external justification.
We all know its hard to change someone’s mind but reality is – Its equally hard to change our own mind.
Honor killings are the one example of our adamant behaviors- Self-justification keeps them holding onto foolish beliefs even when all the evidence in the world is pointing to the opposite direction. A practice that makes no sense at all to outsiders makes perfect sense when seen through the lens of dissonance theory.
Vegetarians and their counterparts use this theory.
Followers of Superstitions in the name of tradition follow this theory.
Each one of us imply this theory at various stages of life and escape from the truth.
Become self-aware and you will realize from how long you have been lying to yourself in the name of safeguarding Ego.
Though sometimes Self justification is not bad. It allow us to be peace with ourselves and devoid ourselves from the vicious circle of guilt and embarrassment. But it should not be permanent rather transient.
Instead of surrounding yourself with people who nod to our beliefs, we should confine ourselves with the people who are willing to say that you’re wrong. @lifebioscope
I am glad I got to know about this and I am ready to change. Are you?
Few quotes on Justification- https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/justification
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