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PARENTING

Are you a pushy Parent?

December 6, 2016
pushy parents

Each one of us have our own unique Dreams and Desires.

Some dreams get fulfilled and fetch us a good Life. But there are few dreams which does not get wings and sits in our heart.

 

The moment we become Parents, some of us may wish to live these unfulfilled dreams through our children, which is where the problem lies.

Whatever be the reason for your unfulfilled or give-up dreams, you should not force your ambitions to your children but only steer them in the right direction.

 

Not all dreams could be fulfilled in first two or three decades of our Life.

When I started by Career, I dreamed of high paying job, adventurous bucket list, Crafting as career and so many other things. Touched my 30s and still have some dreams as not-yet-achieved.

But it does not mean that I will stop dreaming about my goals and look forward to live those dreams through my child. Children have their own passions, own interests and we should not burden them with ours.

 

What we need to remind ourselves is – they are separate identities and not our extensions – Of course, they are our most precious gifts but not possession.

Pushy Parents is one of the reasons for Kid’s failure and quitting Life.

Many students who are churning their minds in IIT coaching centres, agree that its their Parent’s dream. Multiple student suicides in city of wonders, Kota (Rajasthan, India) is a live example of the issue. I am moved by the kind note of Mr Ravi Kumar, District Collector of Kota to all the parents of young children while he tries to address the issue in loving and practical language.

 

We might love Sports or modeling or reading but that does not mean we should force the Kids to do the same. We certainly are not the benchmark for the child but only the role models.

Are we here making the child realize “OurDreams” or helping the child realizes “His/Her” own Dreams.

With parenting tag, we do not get a privilege to redeem those broken or failed dreams through our Kids.

 

Fantasies about our Kid’s future are not bad. After all, we are human. But we should not obsess with them and help our Kids to be independent human beings with good reasoning and decision making capabilities.  Parents need to understand that their dreams can interfere with the child’s own aspirations, it pressurizes them.

 

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17 Comments

  • Reply Maniparna Sengupta Majumder December 22, 2016 at 3:38 am

    A timely and a relatable post. I agree with the fact that most of the parents, at least in India, have a penchant for fulfilling their dreams through their children. They are ruining the lives of the kids in this way. I wrote about it a few months back and I voiced it in the same way.

    • Reply upasna December 27, 2016 at 3:19 pm

      Yes, its a common thing in India but I wish we should make efforts to put an end to this. I will be checking out your post soon.

  • Reply Mackenzie Glanville December 17, 2016 at 10:25 am

    When they were little both my girls danced, both at home non stop and at dance school. They were both told they had a gift. I was once a dancer too and I gave up my dream and regretted it, so when they told me they wanted to give up I have to admit I was so upset. I love watching them dance and they were both top of their class. I worried they would regret it, but I had to let them make the choice. It has been quite a while now since they gave it up and they have no regrets. My eldest is passionate about art, and April loves her music. This is their life and I am lucky to watch them grow their own tastes and styles xx #mg

    • Reply upasna December 20, 2016 at 11:59 am

      Ahhh! I get it. I wish they don’t regret their choice and follow their current passions with a zeal. Its good to see them make decisions for themselves. Thanks for sharing this here MG.

  • Reply sammie@theannoyedthyroid.com December 16, 2016 at 9:47 am

    sYou’re so right, children should be allowed to follow their own dreams and their parents should encourage them to do so. I haven’t heard of that movie, will have to check it out.

    • Reply upasna December 20, 2016 at 11:56 am

      Thanks for taking time to comment Sammie. Its a Bollywood movie so you must keep subtitles ON. 🙂

  • Reply Janine Woods December 13, 2016 at 1:23 am

    Ah yes the pushy parent brigade. I’ve ever actually met a real pushy aren’t in real life, only on TV shows and I just think “leave the poor child alone”, although how much is real and how much is just for entertainment purposes is any ones guess. I’m definately not a pushy parent. As long as my kids are happy, I’m happy.

    #mg

    • Reply Upasna December 13, 2016 at 11:17 am

      Its good you never met such parents.. There are many who unknowingly wish to transfer their own dreams to Kids. Thanks for commenting Janine.

  • Reply Alison Longhurst December 12, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    I teach taekwon-do and see so much of this! One of my daughters is also very sporty and I have seen many pushy parents on the sidelines over the years. I hate seeing it. There is a balance to be had. We have to encourage our kids and not let them give things up too easily, but the goal to this encouragement must not come from one of our own unfulfilled desires. Alison x #mg

    • Reply Upasna December 13, 2016 at 11:19 am

      Wow, it sound so good to me- teaching the Life saving skills. You are right- encouragement is something else and forcing is totally another. Thanks for visiting Alison. You mad house Mum stories rock.

      • Reply Alison December 13, 2016 at 12:14 pm

        Thank you! ????

  • Reply Tammymum December 9, 2016 at 3:08 am

    Oh its finding the right balance isn’t it between encouragement but not being pushy. Occasionally I wonder if I am being pushy with things like pity training and then have to remind myself to take a step back. Like you say, encouragement is key – not pushy! Thanks for sharing at #familyfun

    • Reply Upasna December 13, 2016 at 11:24 am

      You get it Sarah I am also into my Toddler’s potty training but I am not pushing him but to let the things go their own way.

  • Reply Susie Hawes at This Is Me Now December 8, 2016 at 4:49 pm

    Yes I’ve heard and seen a couple of pushy parents and I will try not to be one! Although I do really hope my daughter is sporty and healthy! I hope that’s something that can just be part of a healthy lifestyle though rather than being enforced on her! #FamilyFun

    • Reply upasna December 20, 2016 at 11:55 am

      Hey Susie, wishing healthy lifestyle for Kids is every Parents dream and its not something pushy. Thanks for visiting and taking time to share your thoughts.

  • Reply Karen | Two Tiny Hands Blog December 8, 2016 at 1:31 am

    Good idea to not be pushy and let them do what they want within reason. I think a certain amount of encouragement could work though but who am I to know with a 17 month old. I’m going to enrol him in a kiddie dance group soon but that’s because he always asks for music to be on and bops about So as a toddler I think he’ll enjoy it. If when he’s older he says no I won’t push him to keep dancing! Good point. Thanks for linking up to #familyfun

    • Reply upasna December 20, 2016 at 12:00 pm

      Hey Karen, you are right- Who knows they will enjoy the same thing in future too.

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