Can you choose a better option when it comes to Love or Arranged Marriage?

October 3, 2017
Love or Arranged marriage

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Love or Arranged Marriage?

Ask me which is better and I will tell you- None.

Okay, Jokes apart but Marriage is something which is always a debatable topic. If you are a south Asian especially in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka, you have 1 more reason to debate over Marriages- Love or Arranged marriage?

It’s like asking the person to choose between two same distant paths taking to the single destination.


Mine is Love Marriage but that doesn’t make me vote for the same. I told you It’s debatable!


Love is the base of Marriage

All you need to sustain a Marriage is Love and Love takes time to grow.

Both, Love or Arrange Marriage, have these things in common- Knowing each other, accepting each other’s flaws and a decision to settle with indifference.

Then how do they differ? They differ by the order of events.

In Love Marriage, the couple spends time together (off-line/online), get to know each other and Love happen. They then decide to settle down for a marriage.

In Arrange Marriage, the couple is introduced to each other for the intent of Marriage. They get to know each other and decide to settle down for a marriage. Love happens afterward.

See, Love happens in both kinds of marriages. If the base of marriage is not Love but something else, nothing will work, neither Love nor arranged.


You can never find a Perfect Match

If you are marrying a human being, imperfections exist. In Love Marriage, the couple is aware of each other’s flaws beforehand. So, they easily get along and do not feel the pressure of hiding their respective imperfections from each other.

In Arranged Marriage, the couple may feel insecure which may make them hide their flaws from each other and trying to portray a perfect picture.


Compatible Families

Love marriage only focuses on the compatibility of the couple and overlook the difference Families have in terms of Economic status, Job quality or Living style.

Whereas, Arranged marriages happen only when the two families are compatible with each other.


Decision Making

Marriage is a process and involves decisions to take about arrangements, about the guest list and about the financial exchange that normally happens in India.

In Love Marriages, Couple has the liberty to discuss these things frankly and without any burden from the other side. All their focus is on getting married rather than disputing over these issues.

In most of the arranged marriages, the couple cannot talk openly about these and this may lead to disagreements or minor conflict among the families.


Marriage needs commitment

Both kinds of marriages need an equal amount of commitment and work to sustain.

It needs respect, compromise and continuous effort to thrive marriage.

perfect marriage

I feel the success rate of marriage doesn’t depend upon whether its Love or Arranged marriage but rather on how the two people settle with their indifference.


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Love or Arranged marriage



Simple Indian Mom

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  • Reply Meghna Purohit May 7, 2019 at 4:15 pm

    Arranged marriages in India are a social evil and thankfully happen only in primitive societies. Arranged marriages are all about marriage for convenience. Such marriages have no love and passion.

  • Reply Maniparna Sengupta Majumder October 11, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    I so agree with you, Upasna. A marriage breathes on love, respect and adjustment. I also think, giving personal space to each other is also an important factor.

    A very balanced discussion… 🙂

    • Reply Upasna October 12, 2017 at 12:24 pm

      Thanks for giving it a read Maniparna. You have mentioned the must ingredients. Personal space is something not everyone is blessed with, I believe.

  • Reply Upasna October 9, 2017 at 2:43 pm

    You are so right Masoom. Thanks for giving it a read and sharing your feedback.

  • Reply Vasantha Vivek October 8, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    Thought provoking post, Upasna. Every youth should have a read before getting into marriage. Loved the last few lines which are core lines of this post. Happy to have you for #HappySunday Linkup Party.

    • Reply Upasna October 9, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      Thanks Vasantha. I too feel I should have read something like this. This insight is now gained with experience.

  • Reply JayanthyG October 8, 2017 at 12:36 am

    Good post Upasna. This marriage debate will never end. ? Marriage is all about understanding and acceptance as rightly said. Discussing anything under the sun without the fear is how two individuals take things forward. I have seen love marriage couples not being frank with each other as well as arranged marriage couples being frank with each other. So it’s a matter of two individuals making life good for each other.

    • Reply Upasna October 9, 2017 at 2:26 pm

      You are right Jayanthi..this debate not even ends after marriage. 🙂
      Does not matter if its love marriage or not, all it needs a never give up attitude from both sides. Thanks for reading.

  • Reply Minakshi bajpai October 6, 2017 at 11:33 pm

    I Think both the marriages are great in their own way. Wheather love or arrange it has its own charm and happiness. #QuotedStories

    • Reply Upasna October 9, 2017 at 2:27 pm

      I think Arranged marriage is more charming 😉 Thanks for sharing your thought Minakshi. I am not able to access your Blog.

  • Reply Akshata October 4, 2017 at 5:37 pm

    Love or arranged doesn’t really matter as long as the couple is matured, gives each other space and nurtures the relationship. Loved how you brought forth these points

    • Reply Upasna October 9, 2017 at 2:28 pm

      Roger that Akshata. Happy solo trip girl! Thanks for your kind words.

  • Reply Vishal Bheeroo October 3, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    One of the issues in arranged marriage is families compatibility matters above individuals. I liked how you have brought perspective on the various issues surrounding marriage.

    • Reply Upasna October 9, 2017 at 2:40 pm

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts Vishal.

  • Reply Team MocktailMommies October 3, 2017 at 5:05 pm

    Same pinch Upasana… mine is a love marriage that was finally arranged by the families from both the sides!!!
    As rightly said by you, nothing is perfect, neither love or arranged path. Marriage is just the first pit stop for the great journey ahead.
    Enjoyed reading your detailed post!
    – Anagha From Team MocktailMommies

    • Reply Upasna October 9, 2017 at 2:42 pm

      Great! You know I always fantasized how would be arranged marriages be. Perfect doesn’t exist. Thanks for your comment.

  • Reply Masoom October 3, 2017 at 1:42 pm

    I feel marriage is basically long term relationship, it needs loads of patience, nurture and Care to be in a relationship.
    Awesome post !

    • Reply Upasna October 12, 2017 at 12:17 pm

      You are right Masoom. Its a long term thing and needs time to time refresh. I am reading – Men are from Mars and women are from Venus these days and I must recommend it to all married couples. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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