How to handle temper tantrums? Tested ways that worked for my strong-willed child #Momology

February 18, 2019
ways to handle tantrums

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Almost every new parent looks out for the ways to handle tantrums- in Kids aka “Temper Tantrums“.

A horrific word for the Parents. Isn’t it? But are they really bad?

Kicking, screaming, crying– to get what they want, to do what they want are the main signs of tantrums. Tantrums are annoying to almost every new Parent or to anyone who is not a Parent.

Tantrums become a problem when thrown in front of other people. Why? Because we think that people will judge us as Bad Parents.

As a new Parent, I used to think the same. As time passed, I accepted the fact that its nothing to do with me. It’s about the child. The child doesn’t want to annoy us or feel us ashamed but they themselves are struggling. Struggling to put their emotions into words. They may be feeling hungry, sleepy or powerless.

I would like to thank Alpana for introducing me to Momology Blog train. You can read more about her work at their Blog Mother’s Gurukul.

Tested ways to handle Tantrums

Related Content: How I got to know that my Kid is sensitive.

I am a Mother to a sensitive Kid who helps me learn to be a better parent each day. Being a new Parent, I too tried to avoid the tantrums by giving in to his every demand or by yelling at him.

But with time, I learned that it’s not a good way and taking us nowhere. So after 4 years of experience, I am sharing the ways to handle tantrums that work for my Kid.

Look out for the possible reason

Your child just came back from School and asked you to watch TV for some time and you said NO. He became cranky and fell down on the floor.

You asked him to Stop and warned him.

Later when you opened his bag, you found an unfinished tiffin and you realized that he must be hungry.

So rather than battling with your Kid, first try to find out the reason behind their meltdown.

Even if you don’t understand the reason, empathize with them and help them calm down. Once your Kid is back to normal, ask him about the possible reason for his bad mood.

Tell them the facts and logic

  • Share the truth

Like every child, my child doesn’t want me to go back to Office after lunch. So, I used to leave behind his back and this was resulting in tantrums. Then I started telling him that If I don’t go I will be scolded by my Boss. Do you want that? He thought for a few seconds and said “No, but come soon”

  • Add the fun facts

Rather than saying “How many times do I have to tell you not to yell in the house?” Say “If you yell, your throat will be choked and your voice will be similar to frog”. This adds fun to the conversation other than diverting your Kid’s attention.

  • Let them experience the consequences (if not much risky) and they will be cautious next time.

Saying “You can have only 1 candy in a day” did not work. I allowed him to have more and in the night, he was in pain due to pin-worms. After that, he agreed upon having little fewer sweets easily.

Win their trust

My Kid always demand for a candy on the way to Home. I used to tell him that candies are not good etc. etc.

Once I told him that we already have 1 at Home and he agreed. After we reached home, he asked me and I handed over a single candy to him. He was happy and now, he does not demand and instead says “Do we have candy at home?”. Most of the times, he forgets until we reach home and get busy in other things. Otherwise, I give him his candy for the day.

When they know they can trust you, they will believe you and follow the rules more easily.

Give them reasonable options

I prefer TV over phone when it comes to screen time.

But if someday my Kiddo demands for a phone- I tell him clearly that you can’t watch TV if you choose phone.

Give them reasonable options to choose from. If your child is adamant to wear what you are asking them to, give them an option to choose from 2 colors instead. They will not feel powerless and tantrums will be avoided.

Every time we used to go to market, my Kid insists on buying a toy. Rather than pulling him or avoid taking him there, we started telling him that you can only see them, touch them but we are not going to buy any toy as you already have a lot of them. It did not come easy but now he understands this.

Set Routines

I have seen that tantrums are less if my Kid has the clear picture of what next.

Like– Set their TV time, homework time, meal time.

When Kids know about their schedule, they will feel more comfortable and it’s easy for them to transition from 1 activity to another resulting in less or no tantrums.

Give them the time to process

Rather than ordering them to stop immediately whatever they are doing, give them some time to wind up.

Instead of saying “Stop playing and do your homework” Say ” You have 5 more minutes to play before we begin doing our homework”

It works like magic.

Don’t give in to unreasonable demands

A child may throw tantrums to buy a toy or to eat out. Giving in to their demand every time should not be in the list of ways to handle tantrums.

This sends a wrong signal to the Kid and reinforces the behavior rather than reducing the meltdown.

Don’t try to negotiate at public places

If you are out and your Kid is full blown with tantrums, don’t talk to them or make them understand. They won’t listen. Take them away from the situation and let them cool down without saying “stop crying” or “stop behaving like this”

Even if they are crying, let them cry. Crying is a way to release stress from our bodies.

Just stay close to them and show your empathy.

Find an alternate to avoid obvious tantrums

My Kid used to pluck the flowers at School on his way back home.

I used to pick him up which resulted in crying and pushing. Then I tried to explain to him that they will get hurt, their Mother will feel bad but nothing worked.

Now I take his favorite toy along and hand it over to him while we are still inside the school premises. This diverts his attention.

Watch your Tone and Words

The louder your response, the more likely he is to act out. Use a softer tone but a firm one.

Next time you Kid makes an unreasonable demand, do not shout from distance but rather go close and talk while looking at them.

Avoid saying plain “NO” for their every demand. Consider the request carefully and show your acceptance or approval. Add the conditions if required.

Suppose it’s getting dark and your Kid wants to play outside. Rather than saying “No, you can’t go”, Saying “You can go but you need to wait until Sun comes” will not make them feel powerless.

Avoid power struggles

Don’t lose your sanity over small things. Once a while, allow them to wear formal shoes for school or their party dress during sleep-time, allow them to eat ice-cream before the dinner or watching TV before doing their homework.

These reasons should not be the cause of your stress.

This will not only help your Toddler but helps to save your peace of mind over little things.

Tantrums are just a normal part of growing up. Don’t take it as a personal defeat or parenting failure.

Do share your personal ways to handle tantrums of your Kids.

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I would like to introduce Neha who blogs at Digi Mother. She is all what it takes to be a Mother in Digital Era.

This post “Tested way to handle tantrums” is a part of Momology Blog train hosted by Thoughts by Geethica, Slimexpectations, Mummasauras and Yours Truly Roma sponsored by FirstCry Intellikit, Instacuppa, Diet Funda, Hugs and Tugs, Tina Basu, Unorthodoxpeeps, Lotus Herbals Baby and Shumee toys.

Prompt: How do you deal when parenting exhausts you?


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  • Reply My child is just like me and it hurts - Life through my Bioscope March 11, 2019 at 3:01 pm

    […] Related read- Tried and tested ways to handle tantrums […]

  • Reply Noor Anand Chawla March 9, 2019 at 10:11 pm

    That’s a very well-drafted post. I agree with everything you have said. Congratulations on winning week 2 of momology!

    • Reply Upasna March 11, 2019 at 2:49 pm

      Thanks Noor. This is something I am actually doing so shared my experiences.

  • Reply Geethica February 24, 2019 at 10:11 pm

    Hey Upasna, it is glad to back reading your lovely blog. I have actually tried these hacks and succeeded many times. Saying no to everything makes them sad. I also prefer a tv or laptop instead of mobiles but I give them that they will not watch tv then and he agrees to it.
    Thank you for participating in momology blog train contest.

    • Reply Upasna March 11, 2019 at 2:51 pm

      I was so excited to join this train. Its a lovely initiative. Kudos to you and other hosts.

      I enjoyed writing on the prompts. Shifting our answers from plain no to customized ones make the difference. And i am still learning.

  • Reply anupriya February 24, 2019 at 12:00 pm

    I too believe in the power of routines, as they help kids channel their senses better and be prepared by knowing what to expect. A very useful post upasana

    • Reply Upasna March 11, 2019 at 2:54 pm

      Routines help them a better understanding of what is demanded from them and what not. Thanks Anupriya

  • Reply Alpana Deo February 24, 2019 at 4:15 am

    You have pointed out very important pointers. Toddler phase is a tricky stage but with some extra care and understanding the root cause of their behavior we can handle it well. Not scolding in public places is very important. We tend to forget this and act impulsively. But that puts the little child in a odd state. And what you said as conclusion that tantrums is just a phase and not a personal defeat. I can’t agree more.


    • Reply Upasna March 11, 2019 at 2:55 pm

      Right because when we see them as our fault or defeat, we tend to act more due to the guilt or whatever. This is something I noticed. Now I let it be. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.

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