If you are a Parent, you must have come across Time out for Toddlers to handle the tantrums thrown by them.
When I came across it, I was so excited to try it with the assurance that it will resolve all the issues with my Kid.
But I was wrong.
Alone is not a good place to be. It never was.
If I go back into my childhood, I never felt good when my Mother said I do not want to talk to you. Instead, I felt better when she cuddled me and brought me closer to make me understand with Love.
If I did not like it, how can I expect it to discipline him?
I was leaving him to suffer alone.
I was proving him that he is only being loved when he is acting well.
I was not accepting his vulnerability, his weaknesses.
Thus, he wasn’t even accepting mine and ended up in more tantrums and hitting behavior. I felt so embarrassed the day I realized the mistake I was doing.
It was a day “Time-out” technique proved wrong for us.
“TIME-OUT” DOES NOT HELP THEM TO LOOK AT THE PROBLEM
Making them sit alone is like a punishment to them.
When we do this, it stops them to understand the problem but rather distract them.
They start looking at you as an unfair or bad parent.
“TIME-OUT” DOES NOT HELP THEM CALM DOWN
The whole aim of “Time-out” is to calm them down.
But rather than self-help, it is doing more harm to their tender minds.
It makes them angry apart from feeling helpless.
Rather, Give-In is an answer.
“Give-In” does not mean surrendering to their unrealistic demands or letting them do what’s not right but to respond in a way they do not feel “rejected” but loved.
Rejection is not a good feeling to live with. It reciprocates hatred not love.
Sitting along and comforting them is what is required.
“GIVE-IN” HELPS THEM TO EMBRACE SELF-LOVE
I learned this much later but I wish my Kids to realize the importance of Self-Love as early as possible.
We all have our own weaknesses and we should love ourselves despite those.
When we accept their weaknesses and handle it with Love, they will also learn to accept them and will be willing to work on them.
“GIVE-IN” HELPS THEM UNDERSTAND THEIR EMOTIONS
Emotions are part of us-
Being Sad is as normal as being happy.
Feeling cranky is as normal as feeling joyful.
Rather than punishing them with loneliness, we should help them understand their emotions in a better way.
When they learn to accept and balance their Emotions, they will feel more confident.
“GIVE-IN” MAKES THEM COMPASSIONATE
Sit along to help them solve the problem or whatever is going on in their minds.
This makes them compassionate towards others too. This makes them kind to the vulnerability of others.
It will help them in the long run to maintain long-term and meaningful relationships.
It is us, who needs the frequent Time-out moments to calm down ourselves so that we don’t give up to their tantrums, we don’t lose our sanity over their childish behavior.
We need to detach ourselves from the situation as it would help us look at the picture with a fresh perspective and calm mind.
It was a day of victory for me when my Kid’s School teacher told me that he has changed a lot. It was no less than winning a scholarship for which you have worked hard.
So, its time to kick out “Time-out” and rather try “Give-In”.
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